*Translation: I fell off the gluten wagon and bathed in a sea of deep fried food*
I've lived in Southern California for about 8 years and haven't stepped foot into LA or OC Fairs once. I'm not a rides person (woozy = no can do for this free bird) and, even though I've often dreamed of eating all the food in one evening, it's just never happened. So today when the Chef was zipping through my 'hood on the way to OC I decided to hop in with him and dive in feet first, blinders on - no wussing out.
The truth is I'm deathly afraid of carnie crowds. It's like going to the rodeo - you just never know what you're going to get. People become unhinged at these events. Case in point: this evening we were strolling by an outdoor music venue that you could see into even if you didn't have tickets. I recognized the voice so poked the Chef and was like, "dude that voice is familiar". Sure enough it was Colin Hay (Men at Work) from back in the day (*cue Who Can It Beeeeeeeee Noooo-owwww!) Anyway, cut to scene and there's a 50 something woman clinging to the iron fence OUTSIDE the venue weaving back and forth in tears over Colin Hay - who she couldn't have loved that much since she didn't have tickets - while the husband rubbed her back as the train went off the tracks.
Seriously.
I just shook my head and was like, "dude - wheels off the bus at 12 o'clock" and without skipping a beat the Chef replied, "on it. already identified".
And then we strolled off to continue our tour of heart attackville (I even saw Hooters girls working the UFC fights - I looked for Gretchen Rossi, but no can do).
Before tonight I had never eaten this. Is it wrong that I want to go back now?
Sans Purell?
Breakfast, dinner and dessert all in one. Drinks extra. It's a bloody smorgasbord!
Oh you didn't want that? How about 10000 ways to eat yam fries? Here's 3.
Now you want some "real food"? How about chicken fried steak in a bun?
911! Man down!
They even admit guilt? And this guy STILL wanted it - all of it!
Oh yeah. This is where it got ugly. Deep fried Oreos? I had heard of this mess...
The Chef, of course, knew all about it.
He forewarned me of the deep fried Snickers bars.
He forewarned me of the deep fried Snickers bars.
(actually he's been "reminding" me of the ones he used to get when he lived in NY - nice)
If I'm goin' off the tracks I'm goin' big O time. Oreo, that is.
Oh Emm Gee is all I have to say about that.
The next thing you knew my stomach was churning, churning and I felt like I ate garbage (which I kind of did even though it was chocolatey good garbage), while the Chef started mumbling something about "Carnie folk smell like cabbage." I took this as our signal to bolt for the car, but not before some bunch of crazies screamed in my ear "Ooooohhh my brown eyed girl!" while they made a mad rush for the stage of a faux Van Morrison band. "My eyes are green ya morons!", I screamed wildly into the night strung out on all the gluten. Okay maybe not that last part, but they did mow some folks over to get there. Then I noticed their dad was in tow...and in on the screaming. Picture that one!!
And with that I'm off ladies. Have a great weekend!...and be sure to stop by the Fair if you're peeling through OC. There's nothing like a mob scene to get your weekend off to a great start.
